A Frightening Childhood: Halloween and Bullying with a Cleft Lip
For most children, Halloween is a time to feel like someone else, to embrace the fun of dressing up and blending in. For me, Halloween was a day I dreaded. It was a day when cruel words stung deeper and my insecurities were triggered. Having a cleft lip and palate, I’d grown accustomed to whispers and stares. Throughout the school year, other children regularly called me names like Quasimodo, Monkey Face, and monster. On the days leading up to Halloween, those looks and words into intense bullying and the taunting was at a yearly high, making every Halloween a very traumatic experience for me.
The Hurtful Words: Taunts and Name-Calling
The days leading up to Halloween and immediately after were the worst, with my classmates throwing hurtful words at me:
- “Hey, you finally fit in at Halloween with your ugly face!”
- “You don’t even need a Halloween costume—you’re already wearing it!”
- “You better not go trick-or-treating; you’ll scare everyone to death!”
And it didn’t stop there. Names like "Frankenstein," "Zombie Face," "Queen of the Monsters," and even "fugly girl" were tossed around as casually as Halloween candy, amplifying my feelings of shame.
Halloween Mask similar to one I wore!
My Halloween Wish: To Fit In Like Everyone Else
Like all children during Halloween, I wanted to go trick-or-treating and join in the Halloween fun. I would get so excited at the thought of dressing up as Wonder Woman, Casper the Friendly Ghost, a cute bunny, or even a nurse. But more than anything, I wanted to wear a mask, something that would hide my face and let me feel "normal," even if only for one night so I wouldn't be teased or called names.
Sadly, the masks of the '70s and '80s weren’t designed for comfort. They were almost impossible to breathe and see through, which was challenge for me. With scar tissue from surgeries around my nose and mouth, breathing was already difficult. Wearing a mask was not safe and I couldn't risk tripping and damaging my nose, lip or mouth.
Trick-or-Treating: An Exercise in Bravery and Escape
When I went trick-or-treating, it was usually without a mask and always with my sister or sometimes my cousins. Even then, kids would still tease me. Trick-or-treating became less about candy and fun and more about suppressing my emotions and burying the shame and disgust I felt about myself. To cope, I would mentally escape into my own fantasy world where I was Wonder Woman, a strong, beautiful female superhero that nobody dared make fun of!
Me at 8 years old dressed as Wonder Woman (Yes! those are Underoos!)
High School Halloween with a Cleft Lip: Painful Memories Resurface
As I grew older, Halloween didn't become any easier. I stopped trick or treating, and Halloween became a holidays that I resented. Halloween parties in high school brought back traumatic memories of childhood bullying. Wearing a costume made me feel more ashamed because everyone would ask questions about why I wasn’t wearing a mask, what my costume was, or, on some occasions, even teased me about not needing a mask. Each comment and Halloween reminded me of the painful memories of my elementary school years.
Finding Comfort at Disney’s Halloween Party
My sister and I at Disney's Halloween Party in 2015
Things changed for me. In 2015, I decided to go to Disney’s annual Halloween party. I was still in denial about my cleft lip and palate at the time, but something magical happened. Disney is a place where I feel completely comfortable with my appearance. I felt like nobody was looking at me, or perhaps they were so busy having fun and enjoying themselves, rather than judging me.
That year, I dressed up as Glinda, the Good Witch from The Wizard of Oz, while my sister dressed as a veterinarian. For the first time, I enjoyed Halloween in costume, not wearing a mask for my insecurities but as an expression of who I wanted to be.
We had a great time, and it was one of the first Halloween parties that I was glad I attended in costume.
Rediscovering Halloween: A Butterfly Emerges
Me as a butterfly! What a transformation!
In 2019, I decided to attend a local Halloween party, where costumes were mandatory. This time, I chose to dress up as a butterfly, a simple yet symbolic of transformation.
Despite my lingering shame about being in costume, I wanted to make friends and be social. So, I faced my shame and I proudly wore the wings. Surprisingly, I had a wonderful time, and my old feelings of shame began to dissipate.
Halloween was beginning to feel less scary and I realized that maybe dressing up for Halloween isn't a bad thing after all!
Halloween Today: A Celebration of Acceptance
Today on Halloween, I'm dressing up as a Cleft Lip and Palate Advocate and Confidence Coach. While it's not exactly a costume, it's my everyday attire and a powerful statement of who I am.
As I mentioned in my TEDx Talk, for years I struggled to accept my appearance and talk openly about my experiences having a cleft lip and palate. Openly talking about my experiences growing up with a cleft lip and palate is still new (and sometimes scary) for me. Through years of working on my self-acceptance and sharing my story, I’ve learned to take pride in who I am. Halloween is no longer a nightmare for me. It is now a chance to celebrate who I am.
What About You? Reflecting on Halloween
Halloween may never be my favorite holiday (Christmas still holds that spot), I am able to enjoy the day, the costumes, the trick-or-treaters, all the Halloween Fanfare, and yes, even dressing up in costume.
What was Halloween like for you growing up? How do you feel about Halloween as an adult? Drop a comment and share your Halloween memories (or horror stories!) I’d love to hear about them!